I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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