i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
