Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
