she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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