Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
