He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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