It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
operation have a gay friend backfired
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
