I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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