His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
