I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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