If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
