screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick