the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Randomize
