Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
