im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
