Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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