The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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