Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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