No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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