ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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