pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
