Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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