I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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