My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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