I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
it's like iHOP with fire
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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