Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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