somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
