yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
