I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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