so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
