Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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