whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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