Buhtt sex?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
