omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Randomize
