Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
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You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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