You're my little dorito
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize