I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
