You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
