I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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