Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he shaved USA in his pubs
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
