do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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