I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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