Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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