I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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