Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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