sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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