We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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