Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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