She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
