I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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