The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
