During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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