Duck Duck Cougar?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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