if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I think i got beer on your cat.
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