I wish my penis had an off switch
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He felt like a one man threesome
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
