where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
