There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
